Overanalyzing

Life is complicated.  How's that for a loaded comment?  It's the truth though- the past year has shown me that not only is life complicated, but it's completely unpredictable.  Approximately 75% of the things I thought I was sure about fell through, and that is a really scary place to be, but it's also sort of exciting.  That probably sounds weird, so let me explain.  5 years ago I thought I had life figured out.  Sure, I was still open to learning new things, but I was fairly certain that I could see the path that my life would take.  It was pretty much all that I had ever thought it would be, and I was okay with that. Truthfully I was more than okay with that- I was thrilled.  There were bumps in the road, but there always are, and they didn't scare me.  Why should you be scared when you are doing everything that fits inside the little box of what you thought life was supposed to be?  Turns out that plan was flawed, fatally flawed, and as I learned that, I was scared out of my mind.  There are times when I think to myself, what did I do wrong to have all of this happen?  That's when I realize that pity parties are not attractive.  Bad things happen to good people, but good things happen to good people too.  Sometimes when you are in a situation that is so painful that you just want to retreat into hibernation, you have to take yourself out of the mess.  In my case, this meant walking away from a situation that I thought initially was going to be my dream.  I can look at it now and realize that I did the right thing, but when you are making that decision you doubt yourself a lot.  Going through this process causes you to question your very being, and I gotta tell you, that sucks.  In the last few months I have moved, changed jobs, realized that the dreams I had were not meant to be, but you know what?  I also realized that the new dreams are even bigger, and far better.  I am nowhere near finished with the process that is life, and I am nowhere near figuring life out, but I am a much stronger person than I was even a year ago.  Heck, I'm stronger than I was a month ago, and I'm eager to see what the next month brings.  One thing that a good friend told me was to make small goals.  When you are trying to change a million aspects of yourself and your life, if you look too far ahead you will want to go back into hibernation mode.  Now my goals are more like- get through work, find something new and exciting to do, take my dog for a walk, don't eat all of the chocolate you can find, etc...  I used to think of myself as outgoing, and maybe I was, but now it's something I push myself to be.  I do love to go out and meet new people, but it scares me to no end some days as well.  I went from the big city to a small town, a place where you could blend in and no one ever noticed you, to a place where you stand out just because you're new, and truthfully, I wouldn't trade where I am now for anything.  I have no idea what my future holds, but I am making small goals every day, and I am no longer planing my entire future based on what I always thought it would be.  The bottom can fall out at anytime, but that doesn't mean you will fall to your doom, that just means that you have the chance to start over, and become even stronger.  I'm not an incredibly religious person, but I do believe that God has a plan, and quite frankly, if He's got it covered, what do I need to worry about?